To Those Who Said NO

"When one door closes, another door opens but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us." --Alexander Graham Bell Alexander Graham Bell may have experienced so many losses and failures for him to be able to come up with the quote above. But he's right. Oftentimes, when a wonderful opportunity passes by, we contemplate so much on why we didn't get that opportunity. We get upset if we don't get what we want even if we've worked so hard to achieve it. We get brokenhearted when the person we love don't love us back. We complain when the food on our table is the same as what we had the other day. We feel frustrated when we don't get the promotion wethink we deserve to have. We feel sad when we don't get to buy the clothes we want or when we don't get to travel to places we've been dreaming to travel to. We tend to focus more on our failures than the victories that we gain out of those losses. Have you ever thought of the things you've gained when you've lost something? Have you ever thanked someone for saying NO to you? Has it ever occured to you that there's a better purpose behind that NO? Probably not. Or perhaps, it took so long for you to realize that all the NOs you've had are certainly a million YES's for something better. They say that in order for you to gain something better, you must let go of something good. Easier said than done. Quite hard to understand most of the time. Why would you want to lose something you've worked hard for over something that's uncertain? That's the magic of FAITH. You gotta believe that every NO is a YES to something better. Had I never got that NO from the advertising company that I've applied for several years ago, I wouldn't be able to explore opportunities in the BPO industry. I wouldn't be able to disprove my misconception about BPOs. I wouldn't be able to witness how noble and hardworking those people who choose to build their career in this industry. Had I stayed in my comfort zone, I wouldn't know that there are better horizons outside that place. Had I got that promotion 2 years ago, I wouldn't be able to discover that I excel at something else and wouldn't be able to appreciate the beauty of waiting for something worth it. Had I never got my heart broken, I wouldn't discover that other people are willing to love me bigger and better than I could love myself. Had I never got those NOs and rejections in life, I wouldn't be able to humble myself and learn that life isn't always about winning all your battles. It's about learning to pick yourself up when you stumble and find ways to use those NOs in finding YES's in every aspect of your life. It's about looking at things on a brighter side. You have two choices-- either you sulk at every NO you get or find the good in every NO. I'm grateful for those who said NO to me. Because of them, I found the courage to discover other ways to say YES to better things in life.

Life's bitter taste

This is one of the moments when I wanna question why life is so unfair. Other people would have their means when they need money. Others would have the capacity to buy anything they want, go wherever they wanna go, pay whatever they need and want to pay, squander all their money whenever they want to. But why us? Why me? Why can I not do those things? I often ask myself why in a sea of billions of people, why was I born poor? Why was I born incapable of buying what I want? What I wish to have? What I need to pay for? Why did my father pass away at an early age? Why were all my dad's responsibilities left for me to fulfill? Why at an early age, I had to force myself to mature? Why me? Of all the people in the world, why someone like me whose very hardworking? Someone very patient? Someone very family-oriented? Someone who would always prioritize my family's needs more than mine? Why me? Why does my mom depend her strength on me? Why do my siblings depend so much on my capacity to resolve problems which seem to be mundane and petty for them? Why do I always need to be strong for other people? Why can't I follow my heart in doing what I want to do in life? Why do I always need to prioritize my family's needs and happiness before mine? Why does it have to be me? Why is life so unfair? :( Sometimes, all I want to do is give up, leave everything and run away from everything's that's hurting me. :( Why is life so unfair? WHY?

A lesson to be learned, not an answered prayer

Thought you were an answered prayer.. turned out you were a lesson to be learned. I'm gonna embrace the pain for now and wear it like a fucking shimmering crown with my head held high.

Hindi sapat ang sobra.

Lahat ng kaya kong ibigay sa'yo, ibinigay ko.. kahit wala nang matira para sa sarili ko. Lahat ng pang-unawa, binigay ko kahit minsan hindi ko na maunawaan yung sarili ko. Lahat ng pagmamahal na kaya kong ipadama sa'yo, pinadama ko.. kahit ang sakit-sakit na. Buong puso, kaluluwa at pagkatao ko, ibinigay ko sa'yo.. kahit durog ba durog na ko.. kahit na hindi ko na alam paano pa mahalin ang sarili ko. Lahat ng luhang iniiyak ko, pilit kong itinago sa'yo kasi ayokong isipin mong napapagod ako. Lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, pinilit kong itago sa maskara ng mga ngiti ko dahil ayokong isipin mong nagrereklamo ako. Dahil mas gusto ko pa ring andyan ako sa tabi mo sa tuwing kelangan mo ko.. sa tuwing nalulungkot ka, nasasaktan ka at hinahanap mo yung sarili mo. Lahat ng mga plano ko, isinantabi ko kasi sabi nila kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, willing kang magsakripisyo, diba? Even if that would mean postponing or giving up on your dreams. Mahal mo nga diba? Sabi ko sa'yo nun dati hanapin mo yung sarili mo.. kasi pano ka nga naman magmamahal ng isang daang porsiyento kung ikaw nga hindi buo diba? Pero ano bang nangyari? Iniwan ba kita? Hiniwalayan? Binitawan? Hindi diba. Pinagpilitan ko yung sarili ko. I chose to stay and be with you until you find yourself and what's missing. Pero totoo pala yung sinasabi nila, lahat ng sobra masama. I've been asking myself kung saan ba ko nagkulang.. Kung bakit nung ako na yung kelangan ng pang-unawa mo, binitawan mo ko? Nung ako na yung kelangan ng pagmamahal at assurance, tinulak mo ko palayo at iniwanan. Bakit ganun? Ano pa bang hindi ko naibigay? Saang aspeto pa ko nagkulang? Ano bang kulang? Pero naisip ko.. hindi pala ako nagkulang kundi sumobra. Sumobra ko sa pag-intindi sa'yo.. Sumobra ko sa pang-unawa.. Sumobra ako sa pagmamahal ko sa'yo kaya ka nalunod. Sumobra ako sa laging pag-aalala sa'yo na nakalimutan ko nang unahin at alalahanin yung sarili ko. Sumobra ako sa pagpapadama sa'yong lagi lang akong nandito kung kelangan mo. Sumobra ako sa pagsisisksikan sa sarili ko sa'yo na dapat pala eh iginugol ko sa pagbuo sa sarilo ko. Hindi ko naisip na nakakalunod pala ang sobrang pagmamahal. Ang gusto ko lang naman punan yung kulang sa isang daang porsiyento ng pagkatao at puso mo.. pero kahit kelan pala hindi ako magiging sapat sa isang taong kulang. Kahit kelan hindi ko dapat ipagpilitan ang sarili ko sa isang taong hindi sigurado kung anong kulang sa kanya.. kung anong nawawala.. kung pano pupunan yung kulang. Kasi paano ka nga ba naman magmamahal ng buong-buo kung ikaw mismo eh hindi buo? Ang hirap palang magmakaawa sa isang taong pinatigas na ng panahon.. magmakaawa at humingi ng pang-unawa sa isang taong hindi na willing umunawa. Tama naman na. Tama na yung unahin at unawain kita. Tama na yung sobra-sobrang pagmamahal ko sa'yo. Panahon naman nang sarili ko naman yung unahin ko, yung unawain ko, yung mahalin ko. Ako naman yung maghahanap dun sa nawala sa'kin dahil sa pagmamahal ko sa'yo. Pero wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko hahanapin sa ibang tao yung nawala sa'kin. Hahanapin ko sa sarili ko.. sa kaibuturan ng puso at pagkatao ko kung saan napunta yung nawalang ako. Kasi paano ka nga naman magmamahal ng buo kung ikaw mismo, hindi buo?

Soloista

Uuwi akong mag-isa.. walang kasama.. Walang mapagsasabihan ng mga nangyari sa buong araw ko. Walang balikat na masasandigan kapag napapagod na ko. Walang mga brasong naghihintay mayakap pagkatapos ng isang mahabang araw. Walang mga ngiting sasalubong sa'kin kahit ano pang pagkahapo ang nadarama nya. Walang mga kamay na hahawak sa'kin para ipadama sa'king hindi ako nag-iisa. Mananatili na lang ba itong mga alaala? Ganun naman ata talaga. Hindi naman titigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo dahil lang sa nasasaktan ka.